


Shards (FFXIVWrite2020 Day 14 - Part)

by Ivelia



Series: FFXIV Write 2020 [14]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers, Tumblr: FFXIVwrite2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26481079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivelia/pseuds/Ivelia
Summary: Part of my attempt for #FFXIVWrite2020 - September 14 (Day 14 - Part)Fragments of thoughts from a certain red-haired Mystel.Spoilers for Patch 5.3, please read at your own discretion!
Series: FFXIV Write 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906951





	Shards (FFXIVWrite2020 Day 14 - Part)

He flexed his fingers, tentatively gripping the quill in his increasingly crystallized hand. In spite of its impressive appearance, it still seemed somewhat serviceable. Good. It wouldn’t do if it wasn’t to write his own memoirs any more. As a former historian, he wanted to keep a record of the events as they were happening for future generations, especially the contribution of his comrades back on the Source; if he were to succeed, their very existence and experience would become a forgotten, taboo part of history, so even though he would forever keep them in his heart, he also wanted to leave somewhat of a  tribute  to their efforts and hopes for everyone else to see, so still being able to put pen to paper was really important to him. In a few years, after Lyna, the cute Viis child that was shadowing him recently, had learned her letters, he could dictate her the contents of his life’s story as an exercise; but for as long as he could, he wanted to do it himself. Hitching up his sleeves, he wrote diligently:

\- “Due to today's experiments, the crystallisation has progressed,  _ again _ . It still does not prevent me from using the affected areas, but I can’t help but wonder what will happen when it reaches vital organs; will I die instantly? Would it just work the same, but become inorganic?” He stopped for a while, flicking his wrist. Compared to his flesh limb, it felt kinda normal, but still  _ strange _ . Also, perhaps as a consequence of this unnatural process, he had started to feel some unexpected side effects, like feeling unnaturally tired the further away he got from the tower, maybe feeling less and less the pangs of hunger. Little by little, he felt like he was becoming less  _ alive _ , and more like an extension of the crystalline structure; but as long as he could still bend it to his will, it was enough. Of course, sometimes he wondered if it was reversible, whether once everything was said and done, he would be able to find a way to return to normal, and resume chasing his own dreams, but… This was not a priority, not right now. He resumed writing:

\- “I have long accepted these changes as the price demanded by the Tower to use its powers, but I still fail to understand their nature. It would probably be a lifetime of study -in another lifetime maybe. Whoever would have had an interest in old Allagan relics such as myself is long gone, and people here don’t have the luxury to study such futile fields of research. Besides, no matter the consequences of this, I will not stop. I will wear this as a badge of honour, symbolising the weight of my duty, and keep working so that the one that will bring the  light -” He amended his phrase.  _ Wrong choice of word here _ . “-bring the darkness of salvation to these lands.” 

It felt a bit cheesy, putting these feelings onto a blank page; yet, it felt a bit liberating as well. He just hoped that no one would stumble onto it and come laugh to his face in his lifetime. Besides, perhaps sometime down the line, someone in a distant future would find this historically relevant, just like a lifetime ago, he delighted in reading the inner thoughts of the heroes of eld, though he was hardly a hero himself. His task was just to keep the flame of hope alive, and prepare the stage for the real heroes.

* * *

\- (It hurts…! It hurts  _ so _ much…) The accelerated crystallisation, caused by Elidibus’ liberal use of the tower’s ability to summon heroes, or rather, partial heroes from beyond the rift, made possible by the fact that  _ he had stupidly let the Ascian steal his own soul vessel _ , was transcribed by his ailing body as an acute debilitating pain, so much that once more, he tripped on the uneven pavement from of Lakeland’s side roads, and ended up sprawling on the floor, his cane clattering a bit further ahead of him. He wasn’t sure which was the worse, between his guilt at the enormity of his own blunder, or feeling every single one of his cells screaming, throbbing as they turned from flesh to inanimate matter as the Tower was sucking out of him whatever its bloody levy was, soon leaving him a dried, crystallized husk of a man. Yet he couldn’t let this hinder him:

\- (This is my fault, I have to fix this…!) He ignored his own scary pitiful form in his Nu Mou friend’s teary eyes, and struggled to stand up.

\- “We have to press on, and appraise the others of the situation“ So close, but so far…. They were  _ so close  _ to finishing this, once and for all, repairing his gross mistakes and resetting everything  _ right, as it should be _ . Step after painful step, willing the clattering mass of crystal that he was becoming to move only one step more and another, rejecting its immobility, and the certain end of all dreams that would come with it, step after step, after step, until he stumbled once more, falling. Taking heed of his companion’s wounded, prostrate form that was also bearing the traces of their defeat at the hands of the Emissary, he stopped for a while, sitting on nearby log, catching a useless breath - _ does crystal even need to breathe? _ \- until he caught sight a familiar figure coming up running, washing away all of his doubts.

* * *

As the last of his memories flowed into the soul vessel, he felt himself slowly dissociating from this body that had almost fully turned into crystal. As he was living this part of him behind, he felt a little bittersweet; in this form, he had lived several lifetimes of tribulations, here in the First, as the Crystal Exarch, but also as the beacon of hope for the people he had met in that now erased future, that will never be born, but forever a part of him. For them, for everyone, for his promise with that person, he needed to move forward. And letting himself turn into a silent statue, symbol of hope for generations to come, as his true self would travel to the rift towards an uncertain future, he was not afraid; he wanted to believe in himself and for once in a long time, follow his true heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Today's word is "part" - this is fairly simple and has many definitions, but I wanted to write about the Exarch today, and explore what he might think about literally being part crystal, among other things.  
> I had actually planned another bit at the end, with his feelings about when arriving on the source but... I didn't have the time ;___; I guess I know what I'll be doing on makeup day lol


End file.
